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Leaving Christianity – Intro

The process of me leaving Christianity was not a simple one. Many people were shocked by my “sudden” change of heart – but it was anything but sudden. What those people did not see was all of the time that I spent asking questions, searching for answers, and desperately doing everything that I could to hold on to my faith. They didn’t see the long hours that I spent searching the Bible and praying for answers, for months on end.

You see, my whole entire life revolved around my belief system. There was no part of me that wanted to change my beliefs. I thought that if my beliefs turned out not to be true, the only choice left for me would be to jump off of a bridge. Jesus was the reason I got out of bed every morning. He was the reason behind everything I did. Yes – I was a “real” Christian with “real” faith.

But over time, as the questions piled up and the answers didn’t appear, my beliefs began to feel like grains of sand slipping through my fingers. No matter what I did, I couldn’t hold on to them. I watched them fall with grief and confusion. In the end, my beliefs were just that – beliefs. And I could not, despite all of my efforts, turn my beliefs into truths or facts.

Leaving Christianity was a long, difficult, complicated process which, in some ways, is still ongoing. So it’s not really possible for me to sum up why or how I left. I didn’t just wake up one morning and decide “I don’t want to be a Christian anymore.” It almost felt like Christianity left me as much as I left it.

However, I would like to share some insights from my experience as a Christian who left. In the upcoming posts, I will be sharing some of the reasons why I left Christianity – ways that it harmed me and things that made me never want to go back. I will also be sharing some of the reasons why it was so hard to leave – ways that it benefitted me and things that I miss.

Although I am not a Christian any longer and wouldn’t consider returning to my former belief system, I still see that my spiritual roots lie in Christianity, and I find a lot of value in that. I still take Jesus as one of my main spiritual teachers and examples. I still see the beauty in many Christian stories, metaphors and tradition. So my goal in this series is not to say that Christianity or Christians are bad. It is not to try to talk Christians out of their beliefs. It is not to criticize or judge anyone for being a Christian.

At the end of each post, I will be addressing three groups of people: Christians, Christians who are questioning their beliefs, and those who left Christianity like I did. I hope that people in each group will find something in my writings that strikes their interest. I will also be asking questions, and I hope you will contact me with your response if you wish to do so.

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